I started this blog as a sort of therapy. I figured I would use it to work out my feelings as I deal with this new life without my mother, and that it would be a record of my setbacks and progress.
I am seeing a counselor. She is helping me to work out some issues I have with myself and my teenaged son. So far, she assures me that it is understandable that I am still missing my mother.
Which brings me to my eldest son. He thinks I am dwelling on the loss of my mother and that I should be "getting over it." In a fit of pique he told me that I am being my mother's "dedicated fan."
I am not sure exactly what a dedicated fan is. But I know that it isn't a good thing.
I really don't feel as though I am dwelling on my mother's death. I can't. I am a single mom with two teenaged boys and a young daughter. I work full time. I have to be able to function, to be here for my children, to provide stability and be the breadwinner, to help my father deal with his pain. But I am hurting.
The shock that she actually died is still with me. I miss her. Desperately. And EVERYTHING reminds me of her. I'm trying. I really am. I keep putting one foot in front of the other even when it feels like I am just going through the motions. That's got to count for something. Right?
